Talking to your middle schooler about sex

This two-part blog on talking with your children about sexuality is more important now than ever before. All research says that the more, positive, healthy sex education kids receive from home, the less promiscuous and confused they will be. Both blogs are taken from my good friends and Christianparenting.org.

Talking to your middle schooler about sex

At its root, “conversation” means to “turn with” or “dwell with.” It’s not about crafting the perfect moment to have a one-time, high-pressure sex talk. It’s about creating open, ongoing dialogue in the context of a safe, loving relationship. This is the beginning of a lifegiving, lifelong conversation.

This is part 3 of a 4-part mini-series that will be a field manual and reference through every season of your parenting as you open up conversations about sex.

In each of our 4 parts, we discuss age-appropriate ways to engage children as they grow in understanding God’s better story about sex. Each part is broken down into three sections: protect, equip, and model.

This is how we want you as parents to think about your role in teaching and guiding your child in these conversations that are both planned and organic.

Here are some ideas to address with your middle school age child as they grow in understanding God’s story of sex.

Middle Schoolers

Protect

• Diligently guard against access and exposure to sexually explicit and exploitative content through content filters and, more importantly, ongoing conversation.

• Maintain good boundaries and limits on screen time and tech use. As research continues to confirm the adverse effects of social media—especially on developing young minds— consider holding off on introducing social media accounts until high school.

• Guide appropriate conduct, speech, dress, self-respect, and consideration of others.

• Get to know their friends and discuss choosing friends with wisdom.

“My kids accuse me and my wife of being… overly concerned about tech, and they say that none of their  friends have the same rules… That’s because we have seen the dangers of technology firsthand. I’ve seen it in myself; I don’t want to see that happen to my kids.” —Steve Jobs

Equip

• Continue to talk to your kids about God’s purposes and design for sex—both our sexual stewardship as male or female image-bearers, and God’s design for the sexual union in the marriage of a husband and wife.

• Talk about the reality, harms, myths, and lies of pornography and other sexual perversions.

• Remember, as bodies change these can be awkward years; affirm your children and answer questions graciously.

• Know that masturbation can be a struggle for both boys and girls. Openly discuss this struggle with sons and daughters.

• Cultivate dialogue about their increasingly complex feelings and normal physiological responses.

• Build your child’s confidence in their worth, noting their unique personalities and strengths and sharing these praises and identity-rooting statements with them often.

• Remind them that they are smart and capable.

Model

• Think critically about culture and technology, and discuss regularly.

• Attend your relationships through active engagement.

• Listen! Ask, and make yourself available to answer hard questions.

• Consider others in your community who you can point to as role models for your kids.

Every child and every relationship is unique. You won’t always say the exact right thing, but keep engaging your children in an ongoing open conversation.

For more resources in this area check out the full Pocket-Guide to Talking About Sex for Parents and HomeWord’s Pure Foundation series.