As parents, we deeply desire our children to have a healthy God-given view of their sexuality, and we want them to know that thinking about their sexuality is very common. But if we keep silent about sex or approach the subject with a negative attitude, we send majorly mixed messages to our children. We are the ones who must help them see that everything from their changing bodies to their changing thoughts is normal.
We parents are also in the best position to show our kids how living by the Purity Code is normal, healthy, and God-centered. It’s important to know that it is not just about sex and saving yourself for marriage.
In following the Purity Code, students are asked to make this pledge: “In honor of God, my family, and my future spouse, I commit my life to sexual purity.” It encourages making a lifetime commitment to:
• Honoring God with your body
• Renewing your mind for the good
• Turning your eyes from worthless things
• Guarding your heart above all else
You will be the one to help build the foundation your kid will need to make this commitment – a foundation of healthy sexuality that is based on Scripture and strong enough to withstand the forces of secular culture.
Understanding the Purity Code
You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body (1 Corinthians 6:20). This Scripture passage identifies the first area of our child’s life that should be committed to God if he or she is to live by the Purity Code: Honor God with your body. Not only should we encourage our children to not participate in sexual sin, but they should keep their body healthy in other ways, including eating healthy, exercising, and having good sleep habits. Even good hygiene is a way they can take care of their body, this gift from God.
The second part of the Purity Code is to renew your mind for the good. This is based on Romans 12:2: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.” No matter what age, a person who lives by the Purity Code needs to tune out the “bad” in culture and tune in the “good.” I challenge students to spend even a few minutes a day reading a devotional or Scripture. I challenge them to listen to good music that will lift them up and keep their minds set on positive things. I challenge them to find friends who provide them positive, healthy conversations.
The third part of the Purity Code is to turn your eyes from worthless things. I talk to young people about their eyes being a window to their soul. This truth comes straight from Jesus, who said, “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light” (Matthew 6:22). I try to get students to see how our eyes have a deep connection with our mind. Images of everything we see are taken and stored in the brain. And the more negative and sexually explicit stuff we see – whether accidentally or on purpose – the more it will be stuck in our mind.
The final part of the Purity Code is to guard your heart above all else. This is based on Proverbs 4:23, which says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” (NLT). What a great summary of the lifelong benefits of living by the Purity Code from as young an age as possible.
One of my favorite speaking experiences is challenging students to consider taking a Sexual Purity Pledge. I love the phrase “The Purity Code,” which is also the title of the book for preteens in my Pure Foundations series. I try to help them see that this isn’t just about sexual intercourse, but rather it is a lifelong process of honoring God with their sexuality. When a kid “gets it,” I watch the lights go on in his or her head. They realize that by committing to sexual purity, they are, first and foremost, showing honor to God, the Creator of their body, but also that they are fulfilling His desire for His children to be free from carrying one more piece of baggage into an eventual marriage relationship. When Jesus said, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free,” He obviously wasn’t just talking about our sexuality. However, a consistent pledge to sexual purity is a road to true freedom for your children and for you. The Purity Code Pledge may be a good first start for you to help lay a strong foundation of sexual integrity with your own child.