Intimacy Interrupted

Lucille Williams is one of my favorite people and I loved her book, The Intimacy You Crave. Lucille joined us for our recent “Rekindling Romance” webinar, and you can watch the replay here.

It can happen subtly. One day you wake up and you can’t seem to find the fireworks in your marriage. In fact, you’d be happy to find just one spark. What happened?

We need to investigate these feelings in our marriage and tackle them before they rage out of control.

Once the flame has been doused it can be a lot of work to get that fire raging again but it can happen.

Years ago my husband decided to let his hair grow long. But he didn’t just let it grow long. He had a mullet! I personally have nothing against men with long hair, but in terms of starting my engine, a mullet doesn’t push the accelerator.

The longer his hair got, the more he liked it—and the more I disliked it. Worse yet, it was like he was in a special club. Other guys with long hair—total strangers—would single him out. As if they had a secret society. Suddenly he was in this special club, and he reveled in it. I recall one guy praising him and saying, “Hey! Fellow long hair!”

Someone, please help me. I hated the hair.

This long hair phase persisted for about seven months. All the while, I remained silent and held in my massive displeasure. He seemed to love it so much, I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him I hated it.

I was in a quandary. I didn’t want him to withdraw his membership in the cool club, but on the other hand, I didn’t want to “get close” with him either. Every time I hugged or kissed him, I got hair in my face. Every time I rolled over in bed, I fell into a swamp of hair. I still cringe when I think back on that mullet. Conflicted, I kept telling myself that I could get over this feeling and work through it. I. Was. Wrong.

One day Mike asked me for one of my ponytail holders. If there was anything worse than a mullet plastered to the back of the head of the man I loved, it was sharing my ponytail holders with that thing. That did it for me. I knew it was time to say something or I was going to burst.

I calmly sat my husband down and apologized profusely as I explained my dilemma. He took it surprisingly well.

The next day he got a haircut! Bye-bye, mullet, bye-bye. Never to return. Thank You, God!

Little things can creep in and we ignore them in our marriage, sacrificing our intimacy. As soon as we feel our flame starting to wane, it’s important to address it. Don’t wait seven months, like I did.

I allowed a mullet to come between me and my husband!

Don’t allow hair or smell or clothes or money or kids or dishes or anything get in the way of “getting close.” Have the tough conversations. Your marriage is worth it.

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” -Mark 10:9