A Letter to my Porn-Addicted Son

This is a very moving letter of love from a good, good, Father.

A Letter to my Porn-Addicted Son

My son. I need you to hear me when I say this: I am not ashamed of you. You’ve spent most of your life believing otherwise, but I’m here to remind you, again, that nothing could be further from the truth and that the root of your sin is not simply broken wiring or desire gone mad, it’s not believing what I have said about you.

You’ve always felt like there was something distinctly wrong with you. Refusing to let anyone in, you played it up for the crowd, and in doing so, believed it was necessary to play it up for me as well.  My dear son, I don’t want your performance, I want your heart.  I didn’t die for the best version of you you can muster, I died to make you mine. I didn’t die so you could attempt to conform to my ways. Read that again. Just look at the story of redemption that I’ve written through time. Again and again my people, who are called by my name, could never conform to my ways.  The Dark Matter has made that completely impossible. It’s in you from birth, so please don’t waste your life trying moralize yourself for me, you will always be spinning on that wheel.  I’m not interested in conforming, I’ve began a work in you much deeper and longer lasting than that. I’m about transformation.  The work that I’ve set about in you, and promised to complete – mind you, is turning you into an entirely new creature. I’ve set about the process to re-humanize you.  You think you know who you are, but it is only by believing what I have said about you do you truly find you who you are.  Only in me, can you clearly see you.

You are often motivated by fear and shame.  This, my son has none of Me in it.  The Evil One always has two sides of the same coin, and fear and shame is the other side of the coin named Lust.  He lures you in with the promise to scratch the itch that runs deeper than you know, and once the bait is taken, the coin flips, and only fear and shame are left.  Yet remember my son, I have always reminded you to fear not, because I’ve got you.  You are mine, so there is nothing to fear. This is most important to remember in your times of failure.  And shame?  It’s insidious, dripping with demonic cultivation aimed at the hearts of my children…but it is a façade.  True shame can’t exist for my children because there is no condemnation for them.  My First Son took it.  He took the worst you had to throw at him, and entered into it on the cross.  I will spend your entire lifetime reminding you and you’ll spend all of eternity reflecting on this truth: Jesus climbed into the darkest stuff you have entertained, and took every ounce of shame, fear and punishment for you.  This allows me to be with you in your darkness, your felt-shame, your addiction and brokenness. The woundedness you try to hide from others…that’s exactly where I want to go.  Invite me in.

I’ll spend your life, every day inviting you back into the way home.  I will always enter into your brokenness, because He took your guilt for you.  And porn?  That evil, destructive stuff that the Evil One has created to rip the seams of your brokenness open even more? Laugh at it’s lie, and run from it’s pull. Remember son, I created pleasure, the Original Pleasure-Maker and I created you with the capacity to enjoy it.  Porn is merely the illusion of being fulfilled, the imagination of being satisfied.  It will not satisfy, because it can not satisfy.  You think I would design you in such a haphazard way as to be satisfied by a screen?!  No, son. I have far greater, deeper plans to satisfy you.  Turn to me to satisfy your wounded soul, and I will not only give you satisfaction, I’ll give you healing.  I have promised to satisfy your thirsty soul, to fill your hungry soul with good things, and I am, as I’ve always stated – always faithful to my promises. 

You won’t remember my truth every day, this is why I gave you my Spirit, my Letters and my People to remind you, but remember, the way home is always this: You know your sin and we both know your track record. As long as you look at that you’ll never have hope of change, for change does not lie in your ability to bring me your successes or avoid me in your failures.  No dear son, take the risk. Take the risk of trusting what I have said about you.  Invite me into those places that you don’t even want to go, those places of pain and brokenness, and there I will do a work in you that is beyond your imagination.  I will restore your humanity. I will make you whole. 

Regardless of what you choose each day, or moment for that matter. You will forever and always be, my son.

— Your Good, Good Father

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Aaron Coalson

Aaron Coalson

I’m a husband, father, pastor, writer and general cultural connoisseur. Here I write at the intersection of theology, culture, leadership and community. Written by a millennial, for millennials in the church and in the culture seeking out what it means to live out our faith in this beautiful, chaotic world. This grand stage, as John Calvin calls it, where humanity lives out their lives.

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