You will like this blog. Betsy Marvin is one of my favs and she brings great wisdom to you with this blog. Find out more about Betsy here.
As a Michigander, I am beginning to see the changes around me that point toward the beginning of fall up here in the north. The mornings are chilly, the leaves are beginning to show colors, and the marching band at the high school in the neighborhood can be heard practicing for football season.
For families, school and sports schedules bring change as kids head off to new grade levels, new teachers, and new shoe sizes. Change is inevitable, right? We deal with it every day. Yet just because we all deal with change, it doesn’t mean we deal with it in the same way. As we move into a season that will bring change, I want to encourage you to remember that we all handle change differently, not wrong or right, just differently.
When we understand how we are wired for time-orientation, it can help us walk with each other through change in new ways.
We all have a tendency to see the world through a past, present, or future lens and this affects how we deal with change. When we understand this, we can work at not only being better at what isn’t natural for us, but we can walk with those we love in more understanding ways.
A past-oriented thinker looks back to navigate forward.
If you process information best by looking at what has happened before – you are likely to be past-oriented. You tend to gather information and want things to be accurate reflecting on what you know. Thus, your past can keep you from trying new things. When the change is brand-new, like kindergarten, and there isn’t a past point for anchoring, change can be completely disorienting and scary. Past thinkers need information.
A future-oriented thinker is always looking ahead with anticipation.
If you find yourself looking at change for change’s sake, you love a 5-year plan, and you jump before you look – you are most likely future-oriented. Your decisions are based in what’s possible. For you, change brings opportunity, but you might find yourself leaving a mess in your wake because you’re so busy looking forward. You’re imaginative, curious, and see change as growth. Future thinkers need awareness.
A present-oriented thinker is, well, present.
If you find yourself living in the moment with the ability to let go of the past and not dwell on the future, you’re most likely a present-thinker. For you, change is fine, but it can cause you to forget to end other things well or plan for tomorrow because you are focused on today. Your efficient and practical but present thinkers need reminders.
I think we know that we don’t all think alike but we often treat others as if they process life as we do. And when it comes to change, the reality is we just don’t. Do you see the challenge?
For instance, if you are a parent sending your child off to school, how do you deal with the change of the coming school year?
- Did you read ALL the information sent home, talk to your child about your experience, and think of all the what ifs?
- Or are you excited about the new experiences for your child and all the cool things to come?
- Or maybe you’re ok with it all, but you still need to deal with the supply list even though school starts tomorrow?
When we know how we process life it helps us navigate change, right? We can find the information, practice awareness, and make the reminder lists. But our kids most likely don’t understand that they have a time orientation and when we’re all excited about the new school year, but they are full of fear, what can we do?
First, don’t assume they think like you because they probably don’t.
Second, watch your child’s responses to change. Do they jump in excited, take it in stride, or is there fear in brand-new experiences? This tells you a bit about how they think. The jumpers need some awareness that others may not want to jump in with them. The striders need reminders about what’s ahead or what happened last time. And our fearful ones need information so they can prepare.
Third, it won’t be as simple as it sounds. We are wired a certain way, created by God with ways to engage with our world and learning how to deal with differences in thinking can be hard.
I am a present-thinker. I see today really well but I’ve learned to remember thank you notes and the wonder of making reminder lists. When I’m faced with someone dealing with change, whether it’s my kids or someone else, I keep these three key words in mind:
information, awareness, reminders.
The next time you or your child is faced with change, take note and remember the three key words. Do they need more information? Do they need a reminder? Or is there some awareness needed? There isn’t a wrong or right and when our kids start to learn what they need in order to navigate their world well, we are doing our part in helping them become empowered kids.