As I mentioned in last week’s guest blog, Dr. Ryan Montague is one of my favorites. Compatibility is so important to relationships and today’s guest blog is excellent. To learn more about Ryan and his mission go to DivineOpportunity.com. And don’t forget to check out his Kingdom Coupling course. I recommend all things Ryan Montague.
5 Keys to a Compatible Relationship
The #1 killer of Kingdom building among Christian married couples is incompatible personalities, nature, and preferences between the two of them–without a willingness to deny oneself.
Couples often get caught up in bickering, annoyances, grievances, and fights around their areas of incompatibility. And those incompatibility arguments then keep them disunified and distracted from fulfilling their calling as Kingdom Couples.
In our Kingdom Coupling dating program, we solve marriage problems at the dating level. And that’s exactly what this list of 5 Keys to Compatibility will do for you. By dating and discerning wisely, you can greatly increase your chances of having a low-maintenance, highly enjoyable marriage that has a high capacity for Kingdom work!
1. Shared Values.
Do they value and understand:
– The Word of God and the Gospel message
– The covenant of marriage
– The importance of family and in-laws
– The role of husband/father or wife/mother
Do you have a shared:
– Worldview or political philosophy
– Child-rearing view or parenting philosophy
– View for your engagement with your community and culture
2. Shared Life Goals.
How is your alignment with life goals:
– Amount of involvement of church service
– Goals for the Kingdom of God (Kingdom Impact)
– Desired number of children (when to start or openness to step-children)
– Levels of education
– Amount of travel and how far
– Amount of work and climbing the industry ladder
– Amount of income to be spent, saved, and donated
– Amount and type of social involvement
– Geographical areas in which to live
– Size and style of a house
3. Complementary Personalities. Complementary on these items means “relatively similar” however there will be other aspects of your personalities where you can be different yet your differences are harmonious and enhancing for a full life together (see #4 below).
Does this person have a compatible nature to you when it comes to:
– Level of intelligence
– Desire and ability for verbal intimacy
– Interpersonal and social skills
– Sense of humor
– The role of conflict and how to resolve it
– Expected amount of autonomy and privacy
– Level of ambition
– Health standards
– Energy levels for physical activities
– Degree of risk taking
– Sexual drive and desire
4. Shared Understanding of Differences.
Do you have an appreciation for your partner when it comes to your differences in regards to:
o Introversion and extroversion
o Optimism and realism
o Problem solving or decision-making styles
o Organizational styles
o Traditions, celebrations, customs, culture
– Can you appreciate their differences and understand the contribution that difference can make overall?
5. Complimentary Interests.
– The more similarities you have here the more shared activities you can do together and enjoy. However, there will always be differences in interests where you will set your preferences to the side to do something they enjoy.
– These differences can also be a place for autonomy and/or times with friends.
o Hobbies and interests
o Entertainment, music, films, and shows enjoyed.
o Recreational activities
o Sports (participating or watching)
We have seen how these 5 principals have radically changed the dating trajectory for hundreds of singles… They are no longer searching for a cute spouse that loves God, but instead searching for God’s best for them, and in a direct and attainable way, with hope. The last word is key… HOPE brings a new mindset, and with a new mindset these singles live differently and attract differently. It’s been so powerful and incredible to watch what the Lord is doing.
As a Christian striving to honor God in your relationship, you are called to approach dating with intentionality, discernment, and a heart open to His guidance. Utilize these 5 keys to set yourself up for a thriving future marriage.
For a comprehensive guide on attracting, dating, and marrying a godly spouse, explore our full Kingdom Coupling course offering + 60-Day Dating Mindset Transformation at www.kingdomcoupling.com. Your journey towards lasting love starts here, guided by the wisdom of Scripture and the promise of a purposeful partnership.
Get yourself registered and share the KC website with a friend! They’ll be so grateful that you did. We can’t wait to meet you in the cohort and group zoom coaching sessions! Many blessings from all of us at Divine Opportunity and Kingdom Coupling. Much love to you!