One of my favorite people in the universe is Dr. Ryan Montague. Not only is he a fun guy to hang around with, he is an incredibly gifted communicator. For the next two weeks we are posting his two blogs on relationships. I love his work with Christian dating, and today’s blog is on 5 Keys to Successful Christian Dating. It is so helpful. Ryan also leads a course called Kingdom Coupling. I recommend it to everyone. If you know someone who could be helped by this blog, I hope you will pass it on. Also, take a moment to look at his website.
5 Keys to Successful Christian Dating
Having coached hundreds of Christian singles, the #1 thing I hear is, “It’s easy to find someone who is Christian in their profile, but it’s a whole other thing to find someone who is Christian in their lifestyle.” Right now, the frustrations, loneliness, and hopelessness of Christian singles are at an all-time high. You may be feeling like you are not attracting quality partners, not making progress in your dating life, and are stuck in an endless loop of swiping with disappointing DMs, first dates, and friend zones.
With the multitude of voices and advice swirling around, it’s crucial to anchor yourself in timeless truths and principles. As a believer, your pursuit of love should be aligned with your faith and values, leading you to a God-centered and fulfilling relationship. Below, I’ll explore five essential keys to successful Christian dating that not only help you navigate the complexities of the dating world but also lead you closer to the possibility of attracting, dating, and marrying a godly spouse.
- Know Who You Are. Have your identity (value, worth, and dignity) anchored in Christ. Understand that you were bought at a high price, you are as valuable and as precious as the blood of Christ, you are a child of God and a temple of the Holy Spirit. You need to know who you are and why you do what you do from a Biblical perspective. Questions to ask: Is your identity in Christ? Do you have wise counsel (accountability)? And here’s the litmus test: Are you dating out of the fullness of your life or out of the emptiness?
- Know What You Want. Create a Must Haves and Can’t Stands list. You should have 5 non-negotiable Must Haves and 5 Cant’s Stands for a spouse or co-parent… not your typical boy/girlfriend standards. Upgrade your intentions and expectations! These should be primarily based on your core values, beliefs, and attitudes about life. We encourage our singles to be more picky about the things that truly matter, but also give grace where they may want to receive grace.
- Be Able to Recognize It When You Find It. For every desired trait you have in a partner there is a way for it to be mimicked. Are you able to discern between desired traits and their counterfeits? One of the hardest parts about selecting a spouse is that you have to make a decision about someone else’s life potential. Are you able to gauge evidence-based potential in another person? What are the patterns of their words, behaviors, actions, posts, and texts? What are the patterns of their closest social group?
- Understand Your Compatible Nature as a Partner to this Person. What might be helpful strengths in another person to complement your weaknesses? What might be helpful strengths in you to complement their weaknesses? How will the two of your personalities mesh? Will this result in a high-maintenance or low-maintenance relationship? Below you can download our Compatibility Cheat Sheet for details on how to answer these questions.
- Be Ready to Commit. Are you prepared to commit to marriage should you find someone that meets your must haves and can’t stands, has a compatible nature to you, and that you have sufficient attraction to? Know how long you’re willing to date before engagement (not too short and not too long). Know how long of an engagement you are willing to have before marriage (same caution as before). Otherwise, you risk being a safety-net relationship or a rushed impulsive relationship.
As a Christian striving to honor God in your relationship, you are called to approach dating with intentionality, discernment, and a heart open to His guidance. Utilize these 5 keys to set yourself up for a thriving future marriage.
For a comprehensive guide on attracting, dating, and marrying a godly spouse, explore our full Kingdom Coupling course offering + 60-Day Dating Mindset Transformation at www.kingdomcoupling.com. Your journey towards lasting love starts here, guided by the wisdom of Scripture and the promise of a purposeful partnership.
Get yourself registered and share the KC website with a friend! They’ll be so grateful that you did. We can’t wait to meet you in the cohort and group zoom coaching sessions! Many blessings from all of us at Divine Opportunity and Kingdom Coupling. Much love to you!
Click to download 5 Keys to Successful Christian Dating Cheat Sheet.