Five Ways to Change the Environment in Your Marriage

Another great blog from Doug Fields.

Five Ways to Change the Environment in Your Marriage

Mending wounded relationships is NOT simple and band aids are rarely effective, but there are some simple, practical, and transforming actions that can be taken to change a tone/vibe/environment within your home and marriage.

Try these 5 actions for a week and see if the temperature in your home doesn’t change a little. Plus, even if your relational temperature is “fine,” these ideas may make it even better.

1. Walk away from your smartphone. When you come home from work, it’s too simple to get lost in texting, checking, and reading from the phone. Don’t make the mistake of believing you are so critical to the world that you must be accessible at all times. Walk away from your phone when you should be focusing on your spouse. Better yet, turn it off. (Yes, there actually is a way to shut off a phone!)

2. Close your laptop. Computers are wonderful. But, when the computer is on, I’d swear that it calls my name incessantly, “Hey Doug! Yoo hoo! I know you’re there! Pay attention to me!” It’s too easy to come home and “get lost” in the computer that’s always on and calling your attention (blogs, email, Quicken, etc…). Turn it off and see if you can turn on some dialogue with your spouse.

3. Show up on time. If you tell your spouse that you’ll be home by 6pm… get home. Not 6:30…not even 6:05. If you make a time commitment to your spouse, honor it. It’s amazing what simple actions will communicate about love and respect.

4. Reduce TV time by half. I’m not asking you to go Amish and ditch all TV. I’m suggesting that you cut your viewing time in half. Many of us eat dinner while watching TV. Try turning it off and engage in dinner conversation. In some homes, the TV is on even when no one is watching. It becomes the soundtrack to our lives. So again, turn it off, and create your own soundtrack of dialog with your spouse.

5. Leave a short note. The emphasis on this is “short”… I’m not suggesting two pages, typed out, double-spaced. What if you left your spouse a short note every day for a week? Short words of affection and encouragement can be powerful. And, if it’s not a regular practice, these notes will become treasures.

Yes, some relationships need BIG changes (intervention, counseling, accountability, etc…), but some relationships can be dramatically altered by some very SMALL and doable actions.

Give these a try today!

Help us reach the next generation of families

Back to Top

Doug Fields

Doug Fields is the senior director of HomeWord. He speaks to thousands of leaders, teenagers and parents each year. He’s also the author/co-author of 50+ books including: Parenting in a Screen Saturated Culture; Intentional Parenting; 7 Ways to be Her Hero – the One Your Wife Has Been Waiting For; and To Have and To Hold. In addition to Doug’s speaking and writing, he is also the co-founder of and the youth pastor at Mariners Church. Doug has been married for more than 35 years to his wonderful wife Cathy, and they live near their 3 married children and 3 grandchildren in Southern California.

  • About HomeWord

    HomeWord helps families succeed by creating Biblical resources that build strong marriages, confident parents, empowered kids and healthy leaders. Founded by Jim Burns, HomeWord seeks to advance the work of God in the world by educating, equipping, and encouraging parents and churches. Learn More »

  • Support Our Mission

    HomeWord is non-profit, donor supported ministry. If you would like to partner with HomeWord in our effort to help more parents and families you can make a donation. Your investment will allow us to expand this ministry by offering more resources to families and churches in need.

  • Contact Information

    • HomeWord
      PO Box 1600
      San Juan Capistrano, CA

    • Send us an email

    • 800-397-9725
      (M-F: 8:30am-5pm PST)