Kindness Can Relieve Pressure Felt by Perfectionistic Teens

The following is excerpted from an online article posted by MedicalXpress.

Teens who try to project a flawless image of themselves tend to get bullied more often and are less likely to receive kindness from their peers, says new Brock University research.

But showing these teens affection and support may mitigate or even reduce the perfectionistic tendencies causing them stress, says the study, titled “Perfect fronts, fragile bonds: Prospective associations between perfectionistic self-presentation and peer experiences.”

The work was published in the Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology.

“When young perfectionists experience kindness and acceptance from their peers, it can help them let go of that constant pressure to be perfect,” says Associate Professor of Child and Youth Studies Danielle Sirianni Molnar. Some 25 to 30% of youth are highly perfectionistic, she says, with that percentage rising.

Adolescent perfectionists have excessively high standards, feel chronically dissatisfied (even if they achieve their high standards), engage in excessive comparison and think they need to be “the best” as a way of staving off feeling worthless, among other characteristics.

The researchers recruited 239 adolescents between the ages of 13 and 19 years who filled out a series of surveys between October 2017 and November 2021. The surveys measured the participants’ perfectionistic self-presentation strategies and the in-person experiences—both positive and negative—they had with their peers.

The team found:

• Younger teens were more upset about displaying their mistakes than older teens.
• Girls tended to hide their mistakes more than boys.
• Girls reported lower levels of relational victimization—for example, being excluded and ignored, rumors aimed at damaging relationships—than boys.
• The higher the teen’s level of perfectionistic self-presentation, the more the teen was victimized by their peers.
• The lower the teen’s level of perfectionistic self-presentation, the more they experienced pro-social acts such as expressions of kindness and care from peers, attempts by peers to cheer them up and receiving help from peers when needed.

According to Sirianni Molnar, the Canada Research Chair in Adjustment and Well-Being in Children and Youth, “The research also shows that when adolescents experience more kindness and positive acts from their peers, they’re more likely to relax their efforts to be perfect. She said, “This suggests that supportive and positive peer relationships can help teenagers break free from the pressure of perfectionism and lead to more authentic, meaningful friendships.”

“If you’re a parent, teacher or friend, one of the best things you can do for a perfectionist is to show them that they’re valued for who they are, not just for what they accomplish,” said Molnar.

Source: MedicalXpress
https://medicalxpress.com/news/2025-03-kindness-relieve-pressure-felt-perfectionistic.html