Keeping the Spark in Your Marriage Alive

It has often been said that the best thing you can do for your children is to love your spouse. At times, this means putting your spouse’s needs before your children’s. Many children who grew up in a home where the parents had a child-focused marriage say they have a difficult time knowing what a good marriage looks like exactly. In other words, your greatest family investment may be your marriage.

Over time, every couple’s relationship can become predictable. Romance, sex, and even conversation can become routine or nonexistent. If “routine” or “predictable” sums up your situation, then it’s time to refocus energy on your spouse. If your relationship is suffering due to lack of attention, here are some questions to help you evaluate what needs to happen to light the spark again:

  1. When you and your spouse were dating, what did you do to make him or her feel special?
  2. What are you currently doing to make your mate feel special?
  3. What was the last fun activity you and your spouse did together?
  4. How often do you participate together in activities you both enjoy?
  5. If you asked your spouse to list your top five priorities based on where you devote the most time and effort, what would those priorities be?
  6. Where does your spouse rank on that list?

These questions might be a good start to get the dialogue moving in the right direction and fan the flames so that they burn brighter than ever.

Most couples I know tell me that they love each other but that they’re just too busy with their work, kids, and all the activities they’re juggling. Most of their time is focused on good things, but in their busyness they have neglected their marriage. They hope to make some changes in the near future, but now is the time to make the important decisions to invest in their spouses.

To find time to replenish your relationship, you might need to cut something out of your busy schedule. Can I let you in on a secret? Kids would rather have parents who like each other than learn how to play one more musical instrument or score another goal in soccer. I’m not suggesting that you back off completely, but find a rhythm for your family that works for everyone, including you and your spouse, and is healthy for your marriage.

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Jim Burns

Jim Burns is the president of HomeWord. He speaks to thousands of people around the world each year. He has close to 2 million resources in print in 20 languages. He primarily writes and speaks on the values of HomeWord, which are: Strong Marriages, Confident Parents, Empowered Kids, and Healthy Leaders. Some of his most popular books are: Confident Parenting, The Purity Code, Creating an Intimate Marriage, Closer, and Doing Life with Your Adult Children. Jim and his wife, Cathy, live in Southern California and have three grown daughters, Christy, Rebecca, and Heidi; three sons-in-law, Steve and Matt, and Andy; and three grandchildren, James, Charlotte and Huxley.

  • About HomeWord

    HomeWord helps families succeed by creating Biblical resources that build strong marriages, confident parents, empowered kids and healthy leaders. Founded by Jim Burns, HomeWord seeks to advance the work of God in the world by educating, equipping, and encouraging parents and churches. Learn More »

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