Date Your Spouse Weekly

Date Your Spouse Weekly

At marriage conferences, I often ask how many couples have a weekly date, and it’s saddening to see only a few raised hands. Then I ask, “How many of you had weekly dates when you were dating and engaged?” Boom! Most everyone raises quickly raises their hands and sheepishly glances at each other with the look of “Remember that? That was fun.”

What happened? Why is it that couples who say, “I do” on their wedding day find themselves saying “We don’t” when it comes to dating? Marriage isn’t a club to join so you can stop paying for dates. Dating got you to marriage, and I would argue, that dating your mate helps you do marriage in a more beautiful and enjoyable way.

Here’s the bottom line: married couples who date one another regularly have a more intimate and satisfying marriage. Please understand, a date with your spouse is not the same as going out so you can “talk about all your issues.” I’m not suggesting you go out to a weekly dinner so you can work on your marriage and ask deep questions like “What are the three biggest needs in our relationship and how can I better meet them?” While that might be an important question to ask one another, I would quantify that as work. Dates don’t always need to have the agenda of having an agenda. You don’t always need to be about working on your marriage in order to have a great marriage. Author Leonard Sweet said, “For a marriage to sing and dance, for two people to make beautiful music together, they need to play, not work at their marriage.”

If you’re like most of the people at our marriage conferences you might be thinking, “Come on… I get the fun piece, but dating every week. Are you serious? What planet do you live on?” Yes, I’m are serious. Very serious. I realize weekly comes around every seven days, but the power of this challenge is the consistency needed to turn this into a habit.

As I encourage married couples to keep dating, I’ve never had one couple tell me that they were disappointed when they accepted my weekly challenge. Actually, the opposite is always true: couples thank me for giving them permission and encouraging them to do what they know they should have been doing all along.

Be courageous enough to make a commitment to start your weekly dates and begin to deepen your marriage with fun. I promise you’ll be thanking me for this specific challenge.

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Jim Burns

Jim Burns

Jim Burns is the President of HomeWord and the Executive Director of the HomeWord Center for Youth and Family at Azusa Pacific University. Jim speaks to thousands of people around the world each year. He has close to 2 million resources in print in 30 languages. He primarily writes and speaks on the values of HomeWord which are: Strong Marriages, Confident Parents, Empowered Kids, and Healthy Leaders. Some of his most popular books are: Confident Parenting, The Purity Code, Creating an Intimate Marriage and Closer. Jim and his wife, Cathy live Southern California and have three grown daughters, Christy, Rebecca and Heidi.

  • About HomeWord

    HomeWord helps families succeed by creating Biblical resources that build strong marriages, confident parents, empowered kids and healthy leaders. Founded by Jim Burns and supported by Doug Fields, HomeWord and Azusa Pacific University have partnered to form The HomeWord Center for Youth and Family. Learn More »

  • About Azusa Pacific University

    APU is a leading Christian college ranked as one of the nation’s best by U.S. News & World Report and The Princeton Review. Located near Los Angeles in Southern California, APU is a Christian university offering associate’s, bachelor’s, master's, doctoral, and degree completion programs, both on campus and online. Learn More »

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